Tips for new stepmoms

Being a new stepmom can be challenging. Before you even think of marrying a man with children, you need to accept that you are marrying the whole family. Therefore, you need to understand that your new stepkids are not going to accept you in a mothering role from the get-go.

• Don't feel pressure to love your stepchildren right away, or for them to love you. Oftentimes, stepmothers feel pressured that they must love their stepchildren, and expect their stepchildren to reciprocate that love in return. Love is an emotion that can’t be forced. Treat them with respect and care, and allow your relationship to develop naturally.

• Establish House rules: In order to ensure mutual respect in the stepfamily, it is essential for you and your partner to develop a set of rules that everyone in the family must abide by.

• Don’t Take It Personally: Most stepmothers try their hardest to be kind, considerate, and loving. Stepchildren may reject your attention and warmth for various reasons. Whatever the reasons are, you need to accept things as they are and not take stepchildren’s rejection of you as a personal attack.

• Enjoy time with your stepchildren. To have good relationships with them, you need to spend quality time with them. Find common interests and activities, such as a hobby or a sport, to do with them.

• Take charge of your own happiness.  It's important for you to take care of your own emotional needs first, before everyone and everything else in your life. Attaining happiness requires hard work and a willingness to expend energy creating a meaningful life.

• Do not discuss any issues that you might have about his ex in front of the children. EVER!

• If you have children of your own, be careful not to make your stepchildren feel like your child is your favorite. There should be no difference in treatment, in affection, gifts, discipline or rules between biological and step kids.